If I want to check my email, I have to stand in the bathroom. Sometimes I can grab a feeble signal from my tablet - sometimes I can grab a feeble signal from my computer. I rarely have a signal that lasts longer than a few minutes at most. If I want to post on my blog (like now) I have to leave the house and go find somewhere to plug in.
I wish I could describe how absolute the helplessness is that I feel. I have confronted a lot of obstacles in my lifetime, but I have always tried my hardest to keep my outlook positive. Well, that's gotten harder and harder to do as time has gone by over these last few weeks. I have invested a great deal into creating something for myself by literally making a something from a nothing.
I had to teach myself the best way to go about my new-found career - and it was/is not easy. But I'm proud of it. I like being self-reliant, and I like the idea that this is something that I continue to grow and develop. It means a LOT to me to be able to get up in the morning and 'go to work'. It is not 'just' my butter and bread - it grounds me. This is something that I can claim as my own, and now more than ever - this is something that I NEED.
I wish I could describe how absolute the helplessness is that I feel. I have confronted a lot of obstacles in my lifetime, but I have always tried my hardest to keep my outlook positive. Well, that's gotten harder and harder to do as time has gone by over these last few weeks. I have invested a great deal into creating something for myself by literally making a something from a nothing.
I had to teach myself the best way to go about my new-found career - and it was/is not easy. But I'm proud of it. I like being self-reliant, and I like the idea that this is something that I continue to grow and develop. It means a LOT to me to be able to get up in the morning and 'go to work'. It is not 'just' my butter and bread - it grounds me. This is something that I can claim as my own, and now more than ever - this is something that I NEED.
I can't sleep at night because I am so consumed by what tomorrow holds. Homelessness? Another whole day offline and out of work? Nadja's death? I will euthanize her to spare her the agony of dying slowly - on the street. I have no consolation to offer myself.
I love her. I want to give her something that I was NOT able to give Noel. Noel's illness was too sudden. Her death, too swift. I had only just begun to reconcile myself to that when I learned of Nadja's diagnosis. And that's what makes all of this seem so incredibly cruel and devastatingly unbearable. Timing is everything.
I am sure to the building management, the internet issue is just another nuisance - a something to forget about or put off for the next day - and the next.
I love her. I want to give her something that I was NOT able to give Noel. Noel's illness was too sudden. Her death, too swift. I had only just begun to reconcile myself to that when I learned of Nadja's diagnosis. And that's what makes all of this seem so incredibly cruel and devastatingly unbearable. Timing is everything.
I am sure to the building management, the internet issue is just another nuisance - a something to forget about or put off for the next day - and the next.
Some of the jobs I have waiting...wow..a pay raise! And I am completely shut-down. I have been waiting MONTHS for this...
Last job I completed was on Feb 20th. I blacked out the source because that was an individual contract for a logo design. Moments after talking to Nadja's vet and walking outside to try and wrap my head around what she just told me, I returned to my computer and discovered that it was offline. Except for a rare moment when I can pick up a very faint signal (usually from the bathroom) it has been down ever since.
That yellow dot has become a form of Chinese water torture. I can buy a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread with the money I have made taking my laptop over to BK. I simply can't do the kind of jobs that pay any real money, because those jobs must be submitted by deadline and I have no access to the internet during those hours.