I am working again! When I first sat down at my computer, it took some effort to relax and get my mind onto topic, but that didn't last too long. I've ordered a MiFi device that I will be able to pick up in a couple of days - so even if this happens again, I will have a way to address the problem before it gets so out of control. I can't thank my sister enough - her intervention has made this possible.
I've had a much more productive day today than I have in awhile, and it feels great! My status for tomorrow is still critically urgent. I have not raised enough to cover this week's rent, and I have until 11 AM tomorrow to do that - and after that I don't know what I am going to do. There is ONE good thing to report. The outage that has kept me offline for so long is over. I still do plan on getting MiFi service as soon as I can so I can prevent this from happening again, but I have been able to resume working!
If you have not been following us and are not aware of what has been taking place - I am a freelance writer, and I am entirely dependent on the internet for my income. On February 20th, I experienced two devastating blows. The first is that my service dog, Nadja has been diagnosed with osteosarcoma, and the second is that while I was in the process of absorbing that information, I completely lost my access to the internet. The service is provided through the building - and until late today, I have been almost completely shut out. You can read below for more information on what I do, and how this has impacted me. Every donation you send goes into Nadja's piggy bank. I don't want any money for myself. All I want is to be able to take care of her. Those funds will be used to cover rent (our priority) and if there is anything left after that - it will be used for her comfort and care. If you are interested in donating, you can donate directly to paypal [email protected] I just wanted to give a HUGE thank you to those who are donating, sending well-wishes and thoughts and prayers. It means a great deal for me to know that I am not in this alone. One week's rent is 179.60, and I have only a few more donations to go to cover that rent. A MiFi adapter costs between 50.00 - 80.00 and I can get service for as little as 45.00 a month. If I have this, I have the breathing room I need to get online and get back to working FULL time. You can donate directly to paypal at [email protected]
I will continue posting updates and let you know when I have enough for the rent. If I exceed my goal for the rent, I will use the remainder to obtain the MiFi. My priority right now is the rent. I have until 11 AM tomorrow morning. If I want to check my email, I have to stand in the bathroom. Sometimes I can grab a feeble signal from my tablet - sometimes I can grab a feeble signal from my computer. I rarely have a signal that lasts longer than a few minutes at most. If I want to post on my blog (like now) I have to leave the house and go find somewhere to plug in. I wish I could describe how absolute the helplessness is that I feel. I have confronted a lot of obstacles in my lifetime, but I have always tried my hardest to keep my outlook positive. Well, that's gotten harder and harder to do as time has gone by over these last few weeks. I have invested a great deal into creating something for myself by literally making a something from a nothing. I had to teach myself the best way to go about my new-found career - and it was/is not easy. But I'm proud of it. I like being self-reliant, and I like the idea that this is something that I continue to grow and develop. It means a LOT to me to be able to get up in the morning and 'go to work'. It is not 'just' my butter and bread - it grounds me. This is something that I can claim as my own, and now more than ever - this is something that I NEED. I can't sleep at night because I am so consumed by what tomorrow holds. Homelessness? Another whole day offline and out of work? Nadja's death? I will euthanize her to spare her the agony of dying slowly - on the street. I have no consolation to offer myself. I love her. I want to give her something that I was NOT able to give Noel. Noel's illness was too sudden. Her death, too swift. I had only just begun to reconcile myself to that when I learned of Nadja's diagnosis. And that's what makes all of this seem so incredibly cruel and devastatingly unbearable. Timing is everything. I am sure to the building management, the internet issue is just another nuisance - a something to forget about or put off for the next day - and the next. Some of the jobs I have waiting...wow..a pay raise! And I am completely shut-down. I have been waiting MONTHS for this... Last job I completed was on Feb 20th. I blacked out the source because that was an individual contract for a logo design. Moments after talking to Nadja's vet and walking outside to try and wrap my head around what she just told me, I returned to my computer and discovered that it was offline. Except for a rare moment when I can pick up a very faint signal (usually from the bathroom) it has been down ever since. That yellow dot has become a form of Chinese water torture. I can buy a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread with the money I have made taking my laptop over to BK. I simply can't do the kind of jobs that pay any real money, because those jobs must be submitted by deadline and I have no access to the internet during those hours.
I created a video that gives expression to my feelings http://youtu.be/58cywH1HqOY
I hope you like it! |