This is a frame that I grabbed from a video clip I shot. This was my *third* attempt. In the first video, a neighbor came in - that was my first photo bomb. In the second, my feet swallowed the frame because Nadja decided that she wanted me to massage her leg, and moved. Never mind that - my top made me look like a Christmas tree. So finally I find a neutral top, and I'm thinking that this might be a really nice little clip when a cat almost waltzes into the room through the open front door..talk about a photo bomb! It made Nadja's day, though - and I love this pic! Yeah, it's still too far away and my face is buried behind Nadja's nose - I still love it!
I have been trying to get a nice shot with myself and Nadja together. Being the photographer with a less than cooperative device has made this challenging. And let's face it. I am a woman, and I'm not too terribly fond of seeing my face of camera most of the time.
This is a frame that I grabbed from a video clip I shot. This was my *third* attempt. In the first video, a neighbor came in - that was my first photo bomb. In the second, my feet swallowed the frame because Nadja decided that she wanted me to massage her leg, and moved. Never mind that - my top made me look like a Christmas tree. So finally I find a neutral top, and I'm thinking that this might be a really nice little clip when a cat almost waltzes into the room through the open front door..talk about a photo bomb! It made Nadja's day, though - and I love this pic! Yeah, it's still too far away and my face is buried behind Nadja's nose - I still love it!
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I had a very visceral, immediate reaction when I got that call from Nadja's vet. We've had our ups and our downs since then, but one thing I realized is that while I want to live every single day as though it might be the last - I do not want to live as though Nadja is dying. She is dying, but she is joyful. I have cried and cried and cried - and she always comes up to me with her tail wagging. I can't put a timestamp on her future, but I can put a joystamp on her future. It's up to me to choose to mourn, or to choose to celebrate, and this is intensely difficult because I have only recently lost Noelani. But at the same time - if I am too busy crying, I might miss the sparkle in Nadja's eyes when we wander outside for a walk, and run into the neighbor's roly-poly puppy. They are really cute together. ...and love...
Nadja greets each and every visitor with complete, unbridled enthusiasm. Who could resist such a perfect opportunity for cuddles and play? Lots of people stop by to see Nadja. She is loved by many. Even though she is 'retired' from her career in pet therapy, she still gives good company and comfort to a whole lot of folks who are homeless. They stop by to warm up, fill water containers and schmooze this lovable and eager schmoozee. Yeah, I can't stop myself from being sad - but I can't allow myself to be gloomy or depressed, either. There's too much going on that is beautiful, inspiring and -yanno - I was awed by this dog on the day that I brought her home and all these many years later, I still am. I also feel a little bit thankful. When Noelani got sick, it came on fast and before I could even grasp what was happening, she was gone. I don't think I would hold up very well having that happen again. So, while I'm feeling quite a bit of 'bittersweet', I'm feeling joy, and awe and comfort. I am a better person for having had these two incredible dogs in my life. I've added some pics in the gallery - take a peek. Having Nadja's pain medication on hand is critical. Pain management in elderly animals is an important component in ensuring their well-being. One thing that I have discovered that Nadja really loves, is to cuddle while music is playing in the background. She has her head in my lap. I am gently massaging her hip while we listen to some tunes. She's a big fan of classical music. I also comfort her by bringing things onto the bed that she can play with - or by letting her finish off a bucket of barbeque yum. This bucket had rice with just a hint of sauce, and she loved it! Finding things for her to do that she CAN do keeps her occupied, and takes her mind off her boo-boo.
I have to give a HUGE shout out to Baytree Animal Hospital and Doctor Hall because they have been so wonderful. They are planning to try and drive her medication over because I can't go and get it. She only got a half dose this morning because she cracked and spit out a pill earlier in the week. Thank you Baytree, Doctor Hall, Courtney, and the entire Baytree staff...
I have one feeble bar allowing me to access the internet, In another 5 minutes or ten minutes, even that may disappear. If you read down to my prior posts you will read all about this outage with no end.
It has been exactly one week since I received Nadja's diagnosis of osteosarcoma. We did not have a terrifically good night last night. She is resting and comfortable at the moment, but if it continues like this, I will not force her to endure agony to fulfill my selfish purposes. I'm not sure if this is all cancer pain, or if her arthritis isn't acting up because of the rain. In the end, pain is pain. She is snuggled up under a blanket and I'm keeping her warm and quiet. This is so stressful, and so painful. The ONLY thing I should have to worry about right now is doing the best thing is for her and myself - not whether I can or can't go to work every day, and how are we going to pay our rent? The strain of trying to earn a living has completely clouded everything else. I need to be able to tend to Nadja without worrying so much about what will happen next week. And I need to get MiFi so I can work. Work not only provides us with our income, it also keeps me sane. Nadja has one pain pill left - and a full prescription waiting for me at the vet, and I can't even go get it. If you would like to donate, you can go to Nadja's indie page http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/nadja-means-hope/x/6382064 or donate directly to paypal at [email protected] It has now been a whopping 7 days that I have been without internet access. I am hearing again that - tomorrow - is the day it will be fixed. But I'll believe it when I see it. I am being forced to go over to Burger King in order to get anything done at all, and my work has ground to a virtual standstill because there is no guarantee that I will even be able to plug in. I don't know what we are going to do at this point. I work through Mechanical Turk, O Desk, Freelancer and several other sites, and I am absolutely reliant on a consistent signal in order to work and make my living. I need to figure out a way to get MiFi capability so we don't have to go through this again. My laptop looking a little - blank. Still nothing... Nadja entices me to come over and play with her... I don't believe in quantity - I believe in quality. These are Nadja's best days - right now. She does not have the time to waste. Osteosarcoma spreads from the bone to the lungs. At this moment (thank God) she is showing no signs of cancer in her lungs. That will change. Maybe tomorrow - maybe next week, maybe next month.
Nadja has a page up on indiegogo which you can find here: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/nadja-means-hope/x/6382064 and and I will also be putting up a page on YouTube if you want to follow her there. If you would like to donate, you can make a payment directly to paypal: [email protected], or through her page on indiegogo. Thank you and God Bless. My next door neighbors came trooping over with a puppy for Nadja to play with, food and 13.00 which will cover my rent for tomorrow. I almost fell over with relief and I can't tell you how grateful I am to them both.
The repair man is supposed to be out to fix the internet first thing in the morning. I am still scared - with good reason - but tomorrow is another day, and we have another day to try and catch up. I've gotten a lot of well wishes today, and Nadja has had tons of visitors drop by. She had a good day - in spite of her mom's anxieties - and that is something I want to relish. Every day we have like this is a gift, and I treasure them. I have been keeping a video diary, and once I change their format, I'll be uploading them onto YouTube. This was something that I was not able to do with Noel because I didn't have a camera at the time, so these will all become very cherished memories for me. They already are. But they are little peeks inside our journey, and if they bring comfort to someone else out there who is also confronting (or who has confronted) a similar experience, then I'm glad. You are more than welcome to contact me and share your stories. I woke up this morning and prepared to go to church as I had been planning to . That was really about the last thing I could think of to do - short of going out on the street to literally beg for money to get the rent paid. I got ready and walked out the door, and it started to pour.
I was carrying electronics with me, so I beat a hasty retreat to McDonald's instead - but the rain has let up and Nadja has been alone for hours. We are desperate for a miracle at this point. I have no access to the internet at home. I don't know if the claim of a lightening strike is true, or if the complex simply did not pay its bill on time. What I do know is that as a freelancer, I am completely dependent on that connection to both earn my income, and pay myself. As of right now - I have managed to pay out 24.00 towards our rent. I had several projects that I was working on and that I lost when the outage occurred. If this isn't resolved by the end of the day today, I am planning on moving my 'office' to a local restaurant with a hotspot during the week because I'm tired of the promised fix that I keep hearing about, but stilll hasn't happened yet. I am also planning on getting MiFi to address this, because this is NOT the first time we've had to deal with this issue. We need a hero. I get up and work every single day to grow my business s a freelancer. I have had some success with this, and although its a fairly humble amount as far as income goes, it's still something that I work very for, and believe in. Being in this position is beyond stressful. Please take a look at Nadja's indie page. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/nadja-means-hope/x/6382064 I do not want anything for myself apart from the ability to provide her with a comfortable and stable home to live during her last days. You can also donate directly through paypal @ [email protected]. I m actually at McDonald's. I had to come here in order to publish these updates. I was planning on heading over to the church, but it is pouring and my only means of transportation is a bicycle. I have been keeping a video diary of our experiencs and I'll be posting those up on youtube. I'll be updating with a link momentarily.
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